Betari box is a model that shows how people are affected by the way you respond to them and suggest that if you alter your behavior or attitude in any way, it will change people’s behavior towards you since your behavior also changes.
What is Betari Box?
This Betari Box concept primarily works on the fact that all of us can select a particular attitude towards different people. For example, you are positive, dominating, happy towards some people, negative or positive towards other people. All of these show that you unconsciously select an attitude when you see a person or interact with him.
On the other hand, this model suggests that we can do this consciously by selecting what attitude we want to display to each person — for example, tuning your brain to stay positive and talk nicely when you interact with your annoying colleague.
The model strongly believes that your attitude affects your behavior, which in turn affects your attitude, and the cycle continues. This model is also known as the cycle of conflict.
The mood affects our frame of mind, and it plays a vital role in our behavior towards other people. For example, when we are feeling very negative, we exhibit the same negative behavior to the people around us.
We can be angry, impatient, or display any other negative traits which will demotivate other people. The model suggests that people should recognize these behaviors and change their attitudes, which in turn will change their behavior.
How do thoughts trigger the behavior?
It is essential to understand that negative mood or negative thoughts are the culprits that trigger negative behavior. People tend to say out loud what is in their minds. This may happen consciously or subconsciously. Most of the time, the mood spills out of our behavior, and it is an unconscious process. Very few people have control over it.
Thoughts spill out of our body language, non-verbal communication, and other means. The frown on the face can give away your feeling of jealousy even if you are congratulating someone.
Positive thoughts, on the other hand, trigger positive behavior. If you are happy, automatically, your actions will reflect it in your behavior. Your non-verbal communication will be in synchronization with your mood, so even if another person is negative, you will automatically respond to him in a good and happy way, which will display your positive attitude. It may seem that you have become a positive person from a negative person, but it is merely the change of thoughts that have triggered this behavior.
The behavior we trigger, may be positive or negative, is reflected by the other person we interact with. The reaction that we receive again triggers our moods.
What is essential to know that our mood affects our behavior; this is the behavior we display to the other person. The other person reacts accordingly and reflects our mood with his behavior.
For example, if your mood is delighted, and you greet another person happily. Therefore the happy behavior of the other person has again reflected in your attitude.
This is a behavioral pattern in which we get stuck in circles subconsciously. As the example cited above, it is similar to the negative reactions as well. If you are aware that the negative reaction is not originated from you but is a reflection of another person, then if you change your mood, you will be changing the entire cycle. You will take control of your attitude.
How to break the cycle of conflict
- You have to understand that your attitude will be reflected at you as it is affecting others. The way you behave with other people is the way they will end up feeling. For example, if you are hurt, you automatically try to hurt somebody, which is bad. The negativity spreads like a plague from one person to another. On the other hand, if you are happy, it spreads similarly from one person to the other.
- The important thing is being aware of what you are feeling. The conscious thought process stops when feelings take control of your action. It is imperative not to let the feelings take control of your behavior. If you are aware that your emotions are getting better, then you should consciously intervene. Before making an emotional outburst, the best way is to stop for a minute, think what you’re going to do, and analyze if it is going to make things right. If it is merely venting out, then you should not let your emotions get the better of you. Many people regret not thinking for a moment before taking some steps or actions that could have changed the course of their entire lives. A simple smile can often break a Negative cycle or a hate cycle.
- Whenever someone says something negative to you, you can choose to either respond to him in his way or respond kindly. Some people are going to have a bad day, and it may not be your fault. But since you are present in front of that person, there is a very high chance that the entire venom of negativity spills on you. Before you react, understand that the person may be going through a tough time. While it may not be reasonable to smile every time someone slaps you, it sometimes makes a difference.
- Some people have some bad days, and there are outbursts of negativity. Others are consistently negative. If a person is a purposefully negative or spreading hatred, then it is time that you should stop being kind or responding in a good way and try to analyze what is bothering him. Replying in a positive way to a negative reaction is okay initially, and sometimes but if one person is consistently negative to your positive replies, then you should intervene. Try to ask the person the reason for his negativity and, if possible, help him solve it.
- To be better at your behavior with other people, it is highly recommended to work on your emotional intelligence. If you’re healthy emotionally, you will be able to control your emotions consciously, and impulsive behavior will not be a part of you. Emotional well-being is different from physical well-being, and a person should practice controlling extreme negative or positive outbursts.
Thus, the Betari box theory suggests that moods influence our behavior, but if we control our emotional reactions, then the behavior can be dictated on our terms.
It is a good thing to do, especially at a workplace where frequent emotional responses may not be welcomed.